All of a sudden what I thought was absolutely sure, absolutely set and ready has crashed down on me. Nothing is ever 100%. I’d always known this, but I thought you were sure too. We’ve spent days and nights talking about so many future plans, and they’ve all cut short and you’re okay with that. You’re okay with the fact that we might split paths, as if it’s a minor detour in the plan. But my head is spinning and my heart is aching…have I missed the entire big picture? This is the problem with falling in fucking love. I’m vulnerable. I’m always the one at fault, and I never win. I don’t want to play with love anymore, it’s just as reliable as the weatherman.
How can you just sit there and act like shit isn’t fucked up right now. I sit and tolerate, and tolerate, and listen and wait, and I’M PATIENT. I’ve done everything I’ve thought I could do to be the best and do the best that I can. And you continue to criticize me, and blame me for how unhappy you are. Take things one day at a time. “I have too much shit to worry about, stop telling me what to do!” I didn’t know that advice was a crime. I didn’t know that staying up late and waiting was a reason for you to tell me that it’s my fault I don’t get enough sleep at night. Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I’m tired.
Dear Mother.
We have our bad and good days. More bad then good. Today seems to be another one.
If you’re going to stand around the corner while I’m on the phone, then complain about how desperate I sound don’t fucking listen in on my conversations. How I interact with other people does not give you the obligation to comment with your opinions. You obviously did not hear the first half of the conversation, and you obviously don’t realize how stupid you sound trying to put me down, because I don’t care. You have made it clear that you don’t want anything that me and the other person have to be a part of your life, so I keep everything seperate for a reason. I hate that this shit has to be like this, but don’t contradict yourself and try to tell me that you’re helping me. My relationship is not your relationship, and there is no way that you could understand how my relationship operates because you don’t know the one person I spend a majority of my time around. Just keep things the way that they are before we end up exhanging more hurtful words.
11232010
I’m trying to finish my UC applications right now, and I’m realizing how hard it is to talk about and describe myself. How do I concretely sum up everything I want someone to know about me in less than 1000 words?
RYANANDANGELO Presents : QUEENS
went with an old school ryanandangelo video
approach for this one ( we even broke out the old
camera lol ), we hope you enjoy (:
and we would like to proudly dedicate this song as an
early birthday to our wonderful friend, elle tanner (:
(aka the girl that showed us Tik Tok last year, and this song)
the picture in the beginning was a gift from our
friend and lovely supporter, brigett ((:
Umm..I don’t remember showing you this song. Are you sure you got it from me?
(: Proud of seeing how much ryanandangelo has progressed since I met them.
Love you guys, keep it up!
11192010
I’m officially on the start of my 9 day break, and I’m sitting at home yet again.
Things I need to get done by the end of November include,
- San Francisco
- 5 CSU and 2 UC Applications
- Raise my 3 C’s
- Finish essays on Wilfred Owen
- Relax (:
I’m always on a busy schedule. For this week item number 5 is the most important thing I want to get done. There’s someone incredibly special that I need to and want to spend time with. He’s been incredibly supportive, and I know it’s been hard for him to be that way all the time, but just knowing how much he tries gives me hope. ♥
Holidays are right around the corner! I’m feeling the love already. (:
